Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Maybe I shoulda got da spinach

I am way too full and sleepy after going out for sushi with my pal, Hap, who is visiting from out of town.

A little background on Hap:

1. He's the spitting image of Bluto from the Popeye cartoons.

2. We have the same last name, but we don't think we're related, at least not closely.  Because he is huge and I am relatively little, we liked toying with people who knew us.  We'd tell people that Hap's dad was my mom's first husband.  People who knew my mom was even smaller than me would wince.  (We also have this overdeveloped taste for salt and a weird thing about pickle juice that we share with other Barneses we've met, but I won't go into that here.)

3. He is a MONSTROUS overeater.  It's fascinating to watch. He's not particularly messy or disgusting-- he can just put away an enormous quantity of food, and with a surprising amount of grace.  We went out for sushi tonight with my husband before he went to see a show at a local theatre with another friend.  Hap got TWO entrees. (He's known for this-- particulary for ordering two entire breakfasts. I'd never heard the word 'breakfast' used in the plural until I met Hap.) He put away more rice tonight than most Asian communities do in a week. He asked the waitress for more wasabi, and perhaps to make a point, she brought him a dish of wasabi the size of a golf ball. He was not fazed.  At one point, my husband and I both feared he was going to pick up and just eat the wad of wasabi on his chopstick.  Hap is not just a member of the Clean Plate Club, he should apply for ownership.

Despite all this, which I'm sure is rather unseemly and unappetizing, Hap is a lovely friend.  We liked him so much that when we got engaged, we asked him to get ordained over the interwebs so he could marry us.  He did a fine job, even if he did dress like Forrest Gump. (Those were some magic shewwwwws....)


  1. I am an ordained reverend. I officiating my baby brother's wedding. It was also outdoors and it was sprinkling a bit while it was all going down.

    I bet your wedding was a blast! I mean, there are kilts. How can you have a bad time in a kilt? Your dress looks gorgeous. Not poofy, just classy and vintage looking. Is it vintage? I'd like to see pictures from the front. I love the the little sleeves.

  2. Did you get ordained online? I couldn't get over all the swag my friend got when he was. He got certificates and a lanyard and a few other things too, I think. And thanks for the compliments! It took me a long time to find a dress that I didn't absolutely hate and then I was totally cheap-o about it and scoured wholesale sites before I'd buy it. We did have a blast at our wedding. No dj- just an ipod with a playlist we spent hours on. Our favors were cds we burned with a selection of our 10 favorite songs from the night. Just a really cool party. Our wedding pictures are on my facebook page-I'll share 'em with you. Except for the "moonshot" where we got all our kilt-wearers to moon the camera. FB actually censored me & took it down for being inappropriate! Ugly, a little disturbing, yes, but inappropriate? Never!

  3. Yeah! I did it online. I am a Reverend for the American Fellowship Church! I have my card in my wallet at all times. You know never know when you're going to have to be involved in some official sh*t. Ya know?

  4. Are you allowed to do everything but brises too? (I'm not sure how to spell that.)

  5. YES! Funerals, baptisms. You name it.
    Someone needs to hand me their baby and expect me putting water on it's head will keep it out of purgatory. That is my dream. Someone please, give me a baby to dunk.
    My mom actually said to me, "You know if you did set up a church you'd get tax breaks." So she's all for it. Me abusing my internet powers.

  6. Would it be the Church of Awesome??
    I'd go there ;)

  7. men in kilts, good times, good times.....

  8. Enough of this small talk. The real issue of this post is Bluto. Is it Bluto or is it Brutus. Is Bluto and Brutus the same person? Inquiring Minds want to know.