Olive You A Latte

I love love love Valentine's Day, for reasons I've written about at length here before.
I love the candy, I love seeing red and pink everywhere, I love the flowers, but I especially love the cards.
I still have the card from my first valentine's flowers (from my daddy) and one of my most prized possessions is the Valentine's Day card my parents gave me after our house fire when I was ten.

But there's nothing like a good pun to really make a Valentine's Day card awesome.
Punny cards have been around forever, but some plays on words haven't held up to the test of time. Or in some cases, our culture has changed enough to alter the meanings and make what was intended as an innocent sentiment considerably darker and inappropriate. Or just plain offensive. I came across some truly horrifying cards when I was trolling for vintage valentines; I only included one here, and it's a milder one. No need to taint the holiday with that kind of garbage.

And if you're looking for some cool valentines cards for your "significant otter," check out benkling.com/valentines. He has an awesome line of valentines cards with famous dictators ("Leon Trotsky Thinks You're Hotsky") along with historical & literary figures, like the Harriet Tubman and Vladimir Nabokov ones seen here.

But first have a laugh (and maybe grow a little uncomfortable) with these odd and inappropriate vintage valentines.

 

 

Don't you need somebody to shove

Fifty shades of valentines?

Wow. Threats. How romantic.

That's hardly the artwork I would expect to go with that sentiment.

Current events in the news make this one wince-worthy.

 

 

You're acting like a brat

Is this some kind of meat-on-meat violence depicted here?

This hot dog is not going to give up easily.
By the expression on its "face," you can tell that wiener is motivated to interrogate.

Not sure what the jar of pickles is about to do here. I'm hoping it's just going to slather the hot dog with that mustard-coated knife. But they both look way too weirdly excited for it to be that innocent.

I hope he's sharing those "weenies" with his little bird friend.
Because he sort of looks like the kind of kid who might add a little "poultry" to his barbecue.

 

 

 

Pleased to meat you

Anyone else hear the echoes of Ralphie's family from A Christmas Story scream-laughing over their Christmas Goose at the Chinese restaurant when you saw this one?

Hello, Valentine. Goodbye, right thumb.

I'd keep a close eye on that wee farmer whose heart you're tromping on, Bessie.

 

I fear the wurst for this valentine.

 

 Come out of your shell, valentine

 

 

Kale me maybe

 

 

Just plain weird and/or creepy

It meant something different back then. I hope.

How long before this dummy loses patience with this kid? I think he's 3/4 there already.

Cute sentiment. Terrifying execution.

NOOOOOOOOOO

Wow. Did people really give insults to one another on Valentine's Day?

Story of my life.

Uhhh.....

 

 

And presented without comment: